Self Confidence and Self Doubt

God has given me a complicated personality, an unusual mix of impulsive overconfidence and lurking sensitivity to other people's opinions.  This unlikely combination tends to lead me into a pattern of quick, impulsive decision-making, followed sometimes by slow, churning self-doubt.  I need God on both ends of that strange spectrum that is my personality.

"He must increase, but I must decrease." -- John 3:30

When I am impulsively bold and brilliant, I need God to remind me that He made me this way for His glory, and not my own.  I need Him to remind me that wisdom takes time and that He promises to give me wisdom if I will slow down enough to ask for it.

"For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God?  Or am I trying to please man?  If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of God." -- Galatians 1:10

And when self-doubt leads me to question my right to keep standing in the shoes of leader, teacher, mentor, mother, wife, friend, because of my many mistakes and failures, I need God's grace to remind me that it is precisely because of my weakness that He is made strong in the eyes of those to whom I minister.  I am not standing in those shoes because I am brilliant and worthy, but I stand in those shoes because He is brilliant and worthy.

"He must increase, but I must decrease." -- John 3:30

This is why I relate to Peter so much.  I just finished reading Mark, chapter 9 with my small group, and my heart was so happy when I got to verses 5 and 6 that tell how Peter spoke, not simply when he didn't know what to say, but because he didn't know what to say.  That's so me!  And yet, time and time again, Jesus calls Peter to His inner circle.  Peter is among the three that Jesus most often calls to Himself.  And Jesus chooses Peter as the rock on which to build His church.

So in the moments when I feel like I have failed, I am able to push through the insecurities to keep serving the Lord in every area of my life, knowing that, like Peter, God has chosen me.  That's the catch of all catches, God has chosen me, and you, His people, flawed and failing, to tell the world about His glory and His kingdom.

Lord, help me make much of You with every aspect of my personality.